Hey Marc C, I just checked out your website, and saw the menu for Cypress Restaurant. I'll have the Bulghur Pilaf, the Sigara Boregi appetizer, and a Coke. Can I pay for that with a Discover Card?
Plus if you want to send over $150 in grant money, that's fine too.
- Danny Hellman
TCBM replies:
yeah sure I take Discover.
send along your credit card number,the name that appears on the card,
the expriation date as well as the 3 digit private code and I will send that grant money over right away.
- marc calvary
Danny writes back: (hasn't he learned his lesson about emailing yet?)
Nice try, weasel! I thought you wanted to help self-publishers,
but it turns out you're no better than all those phone sex numbers I called.
- Danny Hellman
What the fuck is this? Whaddaya mean "This is not a mistake"? I think YOU
are the mistake. Are you a drug addled musician, or some kind of hack
comic book artist? Your fucking site doesn't say anything, it just sits
there on a binary plane, wishing someone other than you would give it
notice. I don't think I've ever wasted my time on anything as
inconsequential as that goddamn site.
Sinisterly,
Coyote
Kyle O'Reilly timbertoes@hotmail.com
wow, calvary,
I love your photographs! The girls. The light switch. I share this teeth
thing of yours...thanks for sending me your books, they are beautiful!
can't wait to see your new issues.
-Renee French
I love your website. Damn, your zine sounds hot! Why haven't I ever heard of you? I'll be ordering some copies soon - especially the ones about secrets people told you and the 7 horrors. The photos for Cherrypepper are great. Tasteful yet sexy.
-Lynn Lowe
Your're an artist?, oh because you cant do anything real,oh
I see-----
I saw your little nudie zine-
heres my honest opinion-
the girls looked strung out on drugs
and were mostly very unattractive nude
or at least your use of lighting, setting , makeup? if any
and choice of models and clothing is very amatuer
what exactly is your objective
art is dead - lets kill
your zine may be taseful but if you are trying
to do a nudie zine that does not objectify and make women
out to be purely sex objects it's not working
its just naked girls - who cares?
the women arent even attractive- like I said already
your buttons are not funny or even slightly amusing
and who the hell would buy them?
comic book regects?
I m guessing your married and a 9-5 er
and if not your headed that way
get outside more
and stop masterbating for 3 mins in the bathroom
while your wife sleeps
the web site is boring too
challenge the masses with something more appealing.
- Bernard (from the coalition against artists) fukartnoc@hotmail.com
MY RESPONCE:
Bernard,
lets see your work. obviously you know whats good, and whats bad, so i'd
like to see what you've created. you know, so I can learn.
and yes all my models are forced to ingest many different types of drugs to
insure I get only the finest quality of female exploitation material, and i
only choose the ulgiest girls i can find, sometimes even offering homeless
menally hanicapped girls to pose in exchange for a sandwich and soda.
(sometimes i lie to them, saying they might get a nights sleep in a warn bed
if they pose with out crying as i stab them with my cigarettes.) oh, its so
hard being a mistunderstood hate moinger, pornographer, hack artist. but you
know, i have little choice...i have so little talent in the "register fake
names and send snobbish hate letters instead of doing anything productive"
department. i mean i waste enough time masterbating and pornographing...
but this letter of yours...it makes me think. i need to get out more often,
and experience life the way you do! the excitement! the intrigue! the real
flesh and blood women! you have given me a purpose! today is the first day of the rest
of my life! today the carbon based mistake ends! the web site taken down and
beaten like my mom! the zines ripped, trashed, tossed away like my sister!
cherrypepper and the buttons, oh those unfunny foolish buttons, burned till
not even the ashes remain! thank you! today i live! right after i
masterbate, (my girlfriends asleep right now, its the only time i get...)
-marc calvary
I would suggest you take a look at yourself and your emotions. Take the next
step and seek some professional help so you can reach the next level in your
art work and in your life.
I know you can do this.
Sincerely,
MMC4
I wanted to say thanks for copy of "the carbon based mistake" you gave me at APE
Nice Photos, Layout, Production, ETC....I am rarely given Zines that actually interest me...
But whats the deal? You give me pictures of railroad tracks and junk yards,
and you give Dan Clowes pictures of naked girls?
...I thought you'd like something in trade...just let me know...
-Adrian Tomine
Wow! I cant believe I’m in another country and shit!
Who would have thought that I would ever leave my
Parent’s basement and go out all on my own to some
strange and scary land to seek my fortune! But here I
am writing this letter and thinking of all the people
I left behind back home.... and I am so happy I will
never have to listen to you people whine and whine
about your sorry lives again! i am never coming home!
I am going to stay here with the wallaby, a kangaroo
rat type thing, and huge red hairy spiders! No one can
make me leave this place! hahahahahahahahahahahaha!
just kidding around folks...I love you all...but I am
now a movie star, and movie stars get to say what ever
the hell they want to! Thats right! ME: an Australian
Movie star! The other day I was on the beach with my
fun loving feminine male friends when this guy came
over and told me he wanted me in his movie! the movie
is called "a card in the hand of the devil" and is co
staring Danny DeVito, Sharron Stone, and Leo Dicaprio!
now of course Leo is the star, I’m just a small player
in this big film, but the story evolves around my
character "Jacko" and his quest for fame! It’s great! I
get a limo ride to the studio every morning and all
the donuts I can eat! HORRAY FOR ME!!!
I AM BETTER THAN EVERYONE!
-Jeremiah Hess
Really dug the issues of the carbon based mistake...funny, thought provoking...
my favorite was issue 7- too few people are doing image-based zines these days.
- Jim Monroe
Dear Ungrateful Son,
Not everyone that inspires a person needs to be recognized or thanked. Sometimes just knowing that they helped is all the thanks that they need. But sometimes there are reasons why someone should be thanked and then they never get so much as a lousy mention in issue nine of the carbon based mistake, or any issue for that matter. Sorry, I forgot… you did mention me… J. Rae. That's it. You didn't even go as far as using my full first name. Were you getting charged by the letter? I guess it really doesn't matter that J. Rae gave birth you. The very breath that you take everyday is because of me. I allowed you to live. Some mothers would be grateful to not be mentioned in your crazy, odd and somewhat scary publications. I am not one of those mothers. I played a huge part in your disorder. Remember all the times when you were little and I convinced you that you were invisible and you would end up crying? The years I made you go to church and did not let you watch Casper the Friendly Ghost because it was against God? Do you remember the Smurfs? Of course you don't, I didn't let you watch them either. They were against God too. I even threw out all of your "Stickboy" Comic Books, because they had a penis that talked in them and called Mother Teresa a glory hog. That only made you want to read stuff like that even more. The thousands of times I did not make you take responsibility for your actions. I even had a second son so you could feel like you were ignored. I divorced your father so you could say you came from a broken home. All creative people come from broken homes. I LOVED THAT MAN! I became an alcoholic for you. Did you not thank me because I'm sober now? Don't you see that I was the reason you grew to be so screwed up? Where would you be without me?
I am Jeannie Rae, not just J.Rae.
I am your Mother.
Guilt makes for a better writer. Don't you think so.
I will always continue to try and help you.
Even if it I am now the one that's invisible.
-Mom
RESPONSE:
I am so sick of her goddamn whining. Why won't she get off her ass and make a zine about how fucked up I am and stop annoying me about it. My mom posed for one of the murder photos I did in number 9 and now she acts like she was the one who had to do all the work. It's like those insipid people who act like actors are responsible for a good movie. Actors are monkeys. I had to edit the hell out of the letter she sent because she probably wrote it while drunk. Sober my ass... If anyone is interested in reading the full letter my drunken mom wrote, email me and I will send it to you. Don't expect many requests mom, no one cares about you. -love marc.
Marc,
I should've responded to this earlier. However, I didn't. This comes as
little surprise to me, being around myself every day. Somehow it was going
to be late. And here, true to form, it is.
Essentially, I'm writing to say a huge thank you for the book you sent,
which is terrifically conceived and massively executed. It's rare to see
people understanding what design is (ie. NOT simply making things looking
cool or pretty) and actually moving toward a complete order for their idea.
Bravo. High marks all around.
A package, bearing the address listed in the Carbon Based Mistake 9, and
containing my latest book, will be sent to you tomorrow. You are thanked
for your kind words on page 40 of the book. This is the last page of the
book, but don't be offended. If you prefer to be thanked on the first page,
simply flip the book toward you, with the top becoming the bottom, then
flip the book open. You are now thanked on the first page, and upside down
at that, which is an honor and uselessly stupid.
Again, thanks so much for the book and for the kind words.
I retreat to work on my next book,
Paul Hornschemeier
www.forlornefunnies.com
Still haven't read the new CBM. I actually took me 15
minutes to figure out how to open the damn thing with he screw and what not
(I wish I was kidding. Actually I am kidding in that it prpoably took closer
to 5 minutes, but it still took longer than it should've...
One shocking tidbit I gained from the interview- cherrypepper #3 will come
out... followed by #4. Stop the presses! My God man, how can you sneak news
of this magnitude in the middle of an interview like that? 3 will be followed by 4... wow. Here's a little scoop for you... I just came out with issue 7 of my zine? Well it's going to be followed by #8! And after that...well, you didn't hear this from me, but it's gonna be followed by #9.
Eric Lyden
Fish with Legs zine
Response:
eric, eric, eric, all you need to open it is your thumbs.
one thumb on each side, twist in opposite directions: read.
and don't even pretend Fish With Legs issue 8 will ever see the light of day.
Believe it or not, someone wrote a few poems about cherrypepper girls Joy and Sarah. Here they are:
Joy
kneels
down
in clear
spring
water
sun
light
through
forest
trees
forming
a cup
in her
hands
Portrait of a Lady
Late afternoon
interior
sun casting
shadows
through mostly
drawn venetian
blinds
on plain
white
walls
on sarah's
body:
black choker
nipple rings
shaved crotch
what she is
trying to
see
lies just
beyond
-Alan Catlin
New York
2004
© 2004 Alan Catlin A.R.R