The Reformed Church of Satan is a non-profit charity organization centering on philanthropic goals and social well-being, serving the public interest and the common good. Abandoning all religion, including Satanism, the Reformed Church of Satan dedicates itself to promoting the universal well-being of others and to facilitate the helping of the world and its inhabitants, animals and humans alike. This selfless goal is not limited to only their needs, but also their wants and desires. The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing.
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The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good people to do nothing
- Highlight important causes and charitable funds for people to learn about and donate as little or as much as they choose to.
- Maintain a database of those searching for help. Need some extra cash to pay your heating bill? Does your child needs a wheelchair or new school clothes? Know someone who needs some assistance? Let us know. No need is too small. All donations are anonymous and will avoid us as the middle man, going straight to the person who needs it. Turning our backs on the anti-human characteristic of greed, we will make no profit on any donations or causes.
- Make available a list of people who are willing to help. Have a mattress or a bookshelf you don’t need? Let us know before you throw it out and we will see if we can find it a new home with someone in need.
- Everyone has a want or a desire. You might work 60 hours a week to pay for all the necessities in life but would really like to have some frivolous item, something you daydream about. This is not an organization of just needs, but wants and desires as well.
The inspiration for the Reformed Church of Satan was from the short story 'Your Friend Satan', from issue 10 of the carbon based mistake:
Satan must retool his image to stay competitive with heaven. He gets rid of fire and brimstone, because recent polls indicate they are unpopular. He launches a publicity campaign, getting deals in film and television and his own column in a national magazine. He enjoys being a creator again. He thinks back to his days in heaven. Making lots of money and being a celebrity is a close second. He stops his long enforced rule about admitting only the damned, and opens hell’s gates to the pure. It’s a bold move and his advisors disagree with the decision. “Who’s going to stop the Christians from entering?” they ask, “Next thing you know it’s not going to be fun around here anymore.” Satan holds firm and proves them wrong when the innocent end up engaging in more debauchery than even he thought was possible. Attendance soars. People choose hell now because there’s no torture and you can drink and screw and do all the things heaven frowns upon. Heaven gets worried. Since God died there’s been no one with any good ideas and Jesus never returns their calls. Heaven took it all for granted. Things are changing and the Board of Directors of the Heaven Engineering Committee are at a loss. They start hosting Orgies and Rock Concerts to boost attendance, but it is clear their hearts are not in it. They might as well admit defeat.
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